Phenomenal
by JoIsBishMyoga
Summary: The greatest magic Mistoffelees does, is the one trick nobody's noticed... not even the nosy Rum Tum Tugger.


Warnings: I've been watching Cats on youtube entirely too often this weekend. Mostly Mr. Mistoffelees' song and Rum Tum Tugger's. Got a great screenshot, if a bit pixelated and blurry. So... well, slash and mind games.

Disclaimers: Andrew Lloyd Webber and T.S.Eliot would be shocked, I'm sure.

Phenomenal

By this point in the afternoon, the sunbeam behind the umbrella stand was turning coppery, but still warmed a small cat quite nicely. Especially since Mr. Mistoffelees was a jellicle more black than white... and he'd snuck a nice piece of mirror in to magically reflect extra sun where he wanted it. He was _so_ smart.

The faint, reverberating echo of "_Quaaaaaaxo! Here, kitty kitty kitty!_" in the back garden rose for a moment, as if someone had slipped through the door. Mistoffelees' whiskers quirked in a tiny, fleeting smirk before he settled them back in place.

_Three, two, one... presto._

Something heavy, thick-furred, and strongly musky flopped on top of Mistoffelees. Mistoffelees shoved ineffectually at Rum Tum Tugger, growling, "Geroff!"

"Nope," Rum Tum Tugger replied, sprawling more fully over him, just as expected. Mistoffelees cast Rum Tum Tugger a baleful look, and got a good hard lick the wrong way up his neck to his ear.

"Pest!" Mistoffelees yowled, batting the fur back in place. That earned him a second lick on the other side. "I was sleeping!"

Rum Tum Tugger purred. "So I heard," he replied, a throaty chuckle under the words. "For the past several hours. Your humans have been out in the garden yelling for you all afternoon." A quick flick of raspy tongue to the tip of Mistoffelee's nose. "So of course, I knew you couldn't possibly be out of the house. And here you are, right in the one place a human should all but trip over you -- the sunbeam in the hallway." He sat up a bit and preened, beaming at Mistoffelees and waiting to be praised.

Mistoffelees took the opportunity to pull himself out from under the larger tom. "You're _such_ a genius," he drawled sarcastically, watching Rum Tum Tugger's face fall almost comically. The spark of frustrated fascination in Rum Tum Tugger's eyes more than made up for the loss of Mistoffelees' nice, warm kitty-blanket. "Can't even give a proper bath," he added, starting to lick his fur back into place.

Rum Tum Tugger predictably stepped forward, tail lashing, and tried to shove Mistoffelees back onto the floor. Mistoffelees twisted out of the way, watching Rum Tum Tugger fall flat on his face.

"Don't try to prove me wrong," Mistoffelees murmured calmly between licks. "You bathe for the rock star ruffled look. I do sleek and clean." And he wasn't drawing Rum Tum Tugger's attention to his flank at all, really. The fur just happened to be very badly messed up there.

When Mistoffelees pulled his tail around to fix it, eyeing Rum Tum Tugger carefully under his lashes, he saw Rum Tum Tugger's brow starting to furrow with suspicion. Right. The tail had been a tad too far, then.

Mistoffelees let it go, flicking it to draw Rum Tum Tugger's eye as he rubbed up hard against the humans' hatrack. A top hat fell to the floor with a muffled thump, startling Rum Tum Tugger. Mistoffelees cast a quick, knowing smile over his shoulder, and leapt up on top of the hat.

"Nothing inside the hat," he told Rum Tum Tugger, crouching on the hat and smirking even more at the warily curious look the other tom was giving him. "Nothing up my sleeves. Nothing on the floor beneath."

A wave of his paws, a spinning leap in midair -- a bit of the conjuring turn more to entice Rum Tum Tugger than for any need of the magic -- and Mistoffelees dug his claws deep into the thick fabric of the hat and toppled backwards, somersaulting out of the way of the hat before it tipped fully onto the floor.

Several confused, peeping mewls greeted him upon landing. Mistoffelees' smirk turned just the faintest shade cooler when he bowed to the seven tiny girl-kittens he'd produced from the hat. Young things... four just old enough for their first Ball next week, three more even too young for that. And each and every one followed his sweeping paw to spot Rum Tum Tugger.

_"Eeeeeeeee!"_

Mistoffelees raised a brow, tail flicking merrily at Rum Tum Tugger's expression. "Enjoy your fans," he told him cheerfully, before pressing a paw against his nose and vanishing.

Up on the roof, Mistoffelees let go his performer's mask, wrapping his arms around himself and breathing deeply. He was going to smell of Rum Tum Tugger for _hours, _he thought gleefully.

As long as Rum Tum Tugger was convinced Mistoffelees barely tolerated him, he'd never lose him. And that, catching the most contrary of cats, was truly phenomenal.


End file.
